Two men and a werewolf
by Lexx
Summary: This was a Challange fic so don't flame me if it's stupid, because it's supossed to be stupid, that's the whole point....It's R/Si/Sev slash so be warned! Plz be kind....r/r!


Authors Note: This was a Challenge fic from a friend at school *cough* Steph *cough*. I do hope you enjoy it, and that it's not too stupid.  
  
* A 'who gets Remie fic'  
* Someone must sing 'As the World Falls Down' by David Bowie  
* Someone has to say 'croissant' five times.  
* Someone hums the Banana Boat song.  
* Under 1500 words (not including the A/N or the Disclaimer.)  
* Post GoF  
Must Include:  
* A rubber ducky  
* Berttie Bots Beans  
* Body-Bind spell  
* Love potion  
* Butter beer (the alcoholic kind)  
* Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream  
* A goldfish named Wanda  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own it :(  
  
~*~  
Remus stared in shock at the two people in front of him. One had long black hair pulled back into a ponytail. He had a devilishly handsome grin. And his light blue eyes sparkled brilliantly.  
This was none other than Remus' best friend - Sirius Black, who currently had Remus pinned up against the wall by one arm.  
  
The person who was holding him against the wall by his other arm was a greasy haired git, with gleaming black eyes, and a sneer on his face.  
This was Severus Snape, Remus' archenemy.   
  
Now you may ask *why* they were holding Remus up against the wall. Well I'll tell you why they were holding Remus up against the wall.  
They were holding Remus up against the wall because they had both proclaimed their love for him, and now Remus had to choose between Sirius and Snape.  
  
`No contest there.' Remus thought. Remus would pick Sirius no doubt but Snape had cornered Remus earlier and told him if he didn't choose him he would slip a Love Potion in his drink.  
Remus didn't even want to think of being in love with Snape.  
  
"Snape, you're such a croissant." Sirius said.  
  
Snape stared at him.  
  
"What did you just call me Black?"  
  
"A croissant." Sirius said grinning.  
  
"Sirius, why did you call Snape a croissant?" Remus asked.  
  
"Because I'm hungry for a croissant and it just popped up in my head."  
  
"Well just because you called me that I'm going to do this." And with those words Snape kissed Remus.  
  
"Ahh!" Remus yelled.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU!" Sirius yelled.  
  
"Boys." Lily hissed from the corner. "Got on with it, remember 1500 words only!"  
  
"Oh, ok then."  
  
"Now where were we?" Snape asked trying to think.  
  
Sirius obviously found this funny, and started to laugh.  
  
"What?" Snape said looking at Sirius.  
  
"Snape.... looked....like....he....was trying...to...THINK!" Sirius said now rolling on the floor with laughter leaving Remus slanted against the wall.  
  
"Sirius..." Remus said clearing his throat. "We can only use less than 1500 words in this fic, so please can we get on with it."  
  
Sirius stopped laughing, got up, and stared for a moment.  
  
"Oh Bugger..." He sighed. "Let's get on with it then, Snape I challenge you to a deul!"  
  
"Alright, let's duel!" Snape said taking out his wand.  
  
And so they dueled! (I'm not going to give you details about the duel because I can only use 1500 words in this fic, so all you need to know is Sirius won by using a spectacular 'Pertificus Totalus' Spell commonly known as the body-bind spell Now on with the fic!)  
  
As they dueled Remus waited and hummed the Banana Boat song and twiddled his thumbs until Sirius finally won.  
  
"I AM.." He announced. "THE CHAMPION!"  
  
"Shut up and kiss me you fool." Remus said dipping Sirius and kissing him rather passionately.  
  
"Oh my Gad." Sirius whispered after the kiss.  
  
"That's 'Oh my God'." Snape said after Lucius (he just sorta popped in to help Snape and then popped out don't ask me how because I don't know.) undid the body-bind curse on him.  
  
"Sod off." Sirius said kissing Remus again.  
  
Snape, getting highly annoyed becasue *he* wanted Remus, kissed Remus again, also.   
  
Sirius let out a roar and tackled Sanpe to the ground.  
  
"I DON'T THINK SO!" Sirius yelled pinning Sirius to the ground.  
  
"Don't kill me." Snape panted. "Think of Pettigrew's rubber ducky, and Potter's fish named Wanda!"  
  
"What do they have to do with me killing you?" Sirius said, obviously confused.  
  
"JUST THINK OF THEM!" Snape cried out.  
  
"I love it when people fight over me." Remus said watching them in amusement while eating Berttie Bots Every Flavored Bean.  
  
"Ack!" Remus cried.  
  
"What?" Sirius said still pinning Snape.  
  
"I got a croissant one!"  
  
"Oh GIMMIE!" Sirius yelled now lunging at Remus.  
  
Sirius and Remus ended up on the ground. Sirius was on top of Remus grinning like a maniac.  
  
"I could get used to this." Remus growled.  
  
"Want to make love?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Here?"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Ok."  
  
And so Remus and Sirius made love in the corridor of Hogwarts and they all lived happily ever after. (until the whole Azkaban thing of course)  
  
THE END...  
  
WAIT!   
  
What about Snape you ask? Well here's what happened.  
  
After Sirius lunged on Remus for the croissant bean Snape scrambled off the ground and ran out of there before Sirius could kill him.  
  
On the way he ran into Lucius (who he thanked for popping up in the nick of time.), Crabbe, and Goyle.  
  
They were all singing and swaying holding glasses of alcoholic butter beer in their hands.  
  
Lucius-  
As the pain sweeps through  
Makes no sense for you  
Every thrill has gone  
Wasn't too much fun at all  
But I'll be there for you-oo-oo  
As the world falls down  
  
Crabbe and Goyle (it takes tow of them to sing a part)-   
Falling  
(As the world) Falling down  
Falling in love  
  
Snape (who decided to join in)-  
I'll paint you mornings of gold  
I'll spin you Valentine evenings  
Though we're strangers till now  
We're choosing the path between the stars  
I'll leave my love between the stars  
  
And they sang a swayed like that for the rest of the night and also lived happily ever after.  
  
~*~  
  
Meanwhile...Remus and Sirius we're still at it on the floor kissing and taking each other shirts off, and well *cough* we'll leave the rest up to you're imagination. *grins*  
  
"Having fun?"  
  
"Hi James, and yes James."  
  
"And goodbye James."  
  
"Goodbye. Hey is this a good spot to you know?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Hmm...I'll have to tell Lily. Goodbye then, I'm off to get some Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream."  
  
"Goodbye."  
  
Now its: THE END  
  
~*~ 


End file.
